(Sorry, I’m all over the place, but get used to it. It’s the thoughts my brain carries that need to be assembled, not my words.)
You know what I’m actually afraid of? Like, losing your mind, sitting down and thinking about it till you feel weak in the knees afraid. It’s losing memories.
Time is passing by and with every second passing I realize that I’m losing it, I’m losing it all; I’m losing this time, this moment. When I could have made the most out of the moment I’m living in, or at least done something for the future, I just sat around and did nothing. All I did was think about what I’m not doing. But then…being a human, you need a break. And as you take a break you realize that the life passed you by.
What I really want to do is live. Live my life to the fullest and make every moment the moment of my life. Make so many memories and remember them and live them till I take my last breath. And I do that. I make memories. But I’m so afraid of losing the most important ones, and that’s the only thing that I do not want to happen. Ever.
And so I write in my diaries, take pictures, make videos and hold on to them for dear life. But in that chaos what I usually forget to do, is live. I forget to capture the moment with my eyes. Because that’s one way you can save a memory forever, but what’s the assurance?
Because the most painful feeling is when memories are slowly being slipped out of your hands, and you try hard to keep them with you, but you just can’t. And then they are gone. So I keep them all safe. The screenshots, the pictures, videos, diaries. I have it all.
But despite all these, you know what makes me happy the most? It’s when, at an unexpected moment, I get reminded of a certain memory that was long forgotten. That brings a genuine smile to my face.
What about you?