How many times a day do you hear this phrase? I fell in love. She fell in love. They fell in love. In stories, books, status updates, twitter posts, real life, everywhere. It’s as if people just can’t get enough of the phrase. Let me say this very clearly, you don’t “fall” in love. You just don’t.
To understand this, let’s first get to know what love is. Psychologist Zick Rubin proposed that romantic love is made up of three elements: attachment, caring and intimacy. Attachment is the need to receive care, approval, and physical contact with the other person. Caring involves valuing the other person’s needs and happiness as much as your own. Intimacy refers to the sharing of thoughts, desires, and feelings with the other person.
Now, let’s understand “falling”. When you trip over something, or when someone pushes you from behind, or something of that sort happens, you, um, fall. All I’m saying is that when you “fall”, it happens all at once, like a spur of the moment.
Let me ask a question that can round up the two paragraphs above. How can you “fall” in “love” with someone having all the elements at the same time? Because you fall like, poof! Not in a slow motion, your hair flying behind you in waves, hands slowly trying to cover for you, ready for the fall…slowly…slowly… No! You fall pretty hard and it hurts pretty bad.
So, saying that you fell in love is wrong. You don’t “fall” in love. You’re “in” love. Aside from Romanticism, you don’t fall in love with your parents, siblings and the entire kinship family, but you learn to love them, and you love them endlessly. Same goes with arranged marriages. It’s kind of a trend now days, ‘Love Marriages Only’. How are you so sure, you’re in love? If you’re sure you have that relationship of attachment, caring and intimacy, you’re good to go. But, if you’re just judging by what you call ‘falling in love’…then I just hope you learn to love the person.
There is no such thing as falling in love. It’s a teenage concept. They say you have no control over who you fall in love with, but that feeling is misguided by the emotion felt at that time. Love is a feeling, but it often gets mistaken for mere emotions that are temporary, like lust, likeness, attraction etc. But, in the meantime, while time passes, you learn to love the person (mostly this happens). And so, as a conclusion, you name it “Fell in love”.
And if you read this phrase in stories, doesn’t mean it is right. The characters are humans, and humans aren’t perfect so they make mistakes and say stuff that has no meaning. *In defense of my characters, folds arms.*
Anyways, my job was to put forward what I think is right, and let you know about my views over certain topics.
Share your thoughts below!